The Beauty of Conflict
As any strong-willed, opinionated leader will tell you, finding people who are willing to stand up to you and push back is difficult….and necessary.
In this world of polarized opinions, the truth usually lies somewhere in the no-mans land zone. As the Internet and political parties force us farther and farther from the truth, good leaders struggle to get back to a neutral zone because solutions are rarely found at the ends of the spectrum.
Society now uses the fact that we communicate from behind a computer screen to lose their collective minds and all sense of the social rules of engagement go out the window. Good dialogue about important issues gets buried in juvenile name-calling and personal attacks.
It amuses me to note that people feel it is within their right to publicly deride my religious beliefs, to mock my politics and comment about how I look or how much I weigh with pointed comments and deep disrespect.
It is as if they think that I don’t know them in real life or attribute their rude behavior as acceptable because they are somehow invisible behind their computer screens. It isn’t a great camouflage device, my dear, I know where you live.
In the bigger picture, it isn’t the rudeness that is so much the problem as the dialogue that it doesn’t allow to happen.
Real, life-changing dialogue comes from people with different life experiences being in an environment where they are free to share their views and life stories without fear of attack. This is how we learn.
Having conflicts in our work environments, when handled with a respectful ear, can open the door to dialogue that can open our minds up to new possibilities. Having conflicts in our relationships, when treated with the understanding that the truth lies somewhere between the two opposing viewpoints, can lead to personal growth for all involved.
Wisdom and growth are stunted when we surround ourselves with people who are just like we are, people who think the same way as we do. It is a natural impulse to build a team of like-minded people around you. Things get done more quickly, less conflict, less problems but also less growth.
If everyone thinks the same way, your collective thinking is stunted by smallness of your scope of possibilities.
To grow, to learn, to experience life with eyes wide open, we need to crawl towards each other, into that no man’s land where we can respectfully search for the truth together.
Yes this means that in spite of my personal feelings about Steven Harper, I will publicly applaud him and his party for the things he does right.
Good government, in truth, lies somewhere between the Conservative ideas, the Liberal freedoms and the NDP heart. The best government would take the best of all those parties and policies and implement them in a respectful and harmonious fashion.
Continuing to malign each other, to try and win the fight by bullying and intimidation, only forces us into our respective corners, each determined to prove the other wrong.
And so the anti-vaxers dig their heels in and refuse to look at any information that doesn’t support their opinion and the pro-vaxers continue to believe that they have the right to tell everyone else what they should or shouldn’t do.
The reality is, vaccinations make sense but the industry needs to do a better job of earning the public trust. Large Pharma companies and big government have deceived the public in the past and they hold the greatest responsibility for this crisis. The truth is, you can’t believe everything you read from either side. The real answer lies somewhere in no-man’s land between the two opposing viewpoints.
Being able to talk about race, religion, politics or social justice in a life changing tangible ways means we have to be willing to hear each other’s experiences. To respond in a respectful way that promotes continued dialogue will bring us to a more educated opinion. Even if you vehemently disagree with your speaker’s position, really listening will help you understand how they came to their conclusions, which will help you figure out how to educate them and others like them. This is how opinions mature. This is where social change takes place. This is the ground that allows businesses to move into new territory.
Surround yourself with people who disagree with you, who have different life experiences or are of a different culture and you will grow. Respect everyone’s opinion and their right to have one that is different from yours.
Listen with open ears and try to see things through their lens. This leads to a deeper understanding of the causes and a more creative, possibility -oriented way of thinking about solutions.
On a personal level, this really hits home for me because I have a strong voice. I have been told that I intimidate people. I am concerned that people will not voice their opinion because of my leadership ability to convince others that I am right.
But here is the problem. I am not always right even when I firmly believe I am. Your voice is necessary to keep me effective as a leader. I need you to disagree and to hold your ground. I need to hear you and learn from you.
I am always willing to listen although sometimes I need to be reminded to shut up. I intend to respond respectfully regardless of the topic and I want to be called on it when I fail.
I am open to hear your story, your experience, your perspective because I can’t learn anything when I am the only one talking.
#justthinkin
Shara Nixon 2015